When I look back, my journey began somewhere around early 2010. I felt out of control, I was extremely unhappy and I was an emotional wreck. People couldn’t look at me without me either biting their heads off or bursting into tears. I had no idea why I was acting and feeling the way that I was. I kept telling my husband that “my heart hurt” that was the only way that I could describe it. I can look back now and trace the beginning of my downhill slide to 2008. This was quite possibly the worst year of my life. I had many life changes that year, some good, most bad and I did not deal with the bad stuff. I changed jobs – took a job that I hated, I quit smoking, my faithful dog of 15 years passed away (I have no children so he was my baby) and probably the biggest blow was that my brother was diagnosed with CML Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (he is now cancer free and healthy, thank the Lord) In a time when families should pull together mine somewhat grew apart. This took a toll on me.
I felt as though I was not good enough, I thought I was a failure, and I began to think that I was literally going nuts. The only time I felt happy was when I was eating a bag of potato chips or after I had drank a half bottle of wine.
February of 2011
I think both my husband and myself had had enough of my bizarre behavior, I went to see my family doctor and I called my employee assistance program and set up an appointment to see a counselor. I had never been to a counselor before and since I didn’t know where else to turn, it seemed like a good idea. During the few short sessions I spent with the counselor she asked me to keep a journal of how I was reacting to what other people said to me and asked me to think of an alternate way I could have reacted. During one of our sessions she asked me why I was surrounding myself with people who were so negative towards me and why I was trying so hard to impress them instead of trying to impress the people who really loved me.
WHY? Because I felt worthless and was seeking any kind of attention I didn’t realize it was negative damaging attention. I was annoyed that she had said this to me. In fact so annoyed that I did not go back to see her anymore. How dare she tell me that my “friends” were not good for me. But looking back, I think... no I know she was right. I decided that I needed to get rid of what I call the enablers in my life. I stopped hanging out with the people who put me down, the people who wanted to go out for lunch every day, the people who drank every weekend. I started to surround myself with the people who lived a healthier lifestyle and who treated me with kindness and respect.
This was hard, it was very lonely and uncomfortable at times and there were a lot of tears and second guessing. But I made a decision and to this day I don’t regret it. I am a much happier person.
At this same time, Arden and I started taking our new puppy to training classes. It was there that my decision to surround myself with happy positive people was solidified. The classes helped me to see that my reactions and my emotions affected everyone around me. The calmer I was, the calmer the puppy was and I had to practice keeping my emotions in tact 24/7 not just for a few hours here and there.
In March my doctor sent me for a series of blood tests, It was determined that I was pre-diabetic. But in my doctor’s words “treat it like you are”. He told me that the only way to prevent being on medication or insulin for the rest of my life was to “live your life as a skinny person” What ??? I’m overweight? I knew I hated my body, I knew I had a hard time finding pants, but that was just “the shape of my body” But I never thought that I was overweight. I thought that the Wii fitness told everyone who wasn’t 110 lbs or 10 years old that they were “obese”! Well the scales proved me wrong. The doctor weighed me that day in March. The 8th to be exact and I was 213 lbs. A skinny person? Me? How was I ever going to do that?
Summer 2009 – at my heaviest weight
Thank goodness for my wonderful husband, Arden!!!
He talked me off the ledge. He told me it was not the end of the world, that we would do this together! And we did! How? No secrets here. No fad diet. No get skinny quick scheme, No supplements, no pills. I did it with plain old diet and exercise! People still look at me like I am nuts when I tell them this. They find it incredibly difficult to believe. I needed to change my lifestyle. So Dr H. enrolled me in the Diabetes clinic. However I had to wait 2 months to get in.
So during that time I began to take matters into my own hands.
My Mom was a much appreciated set of ears and offered great advice on what to expect, what to eat, some tips on what to do and just being there for me! I am not sure to this day that she knows just how much I needed her!
I decided that I was going to start keeping track of EVERYTHING I ate! I first used a paper book, then I started using My fitness pal on my phone. I began to take my lunch to work. Every Sunday I spend the time to prepare my lunches for the week - or as much of them as I can. We began to clear out the house of the “bad foods” potato chips, frozen prepared meals in a box and pop. We decided that we were no longer going to eat at fast food restaurants. From that point until today – just over 2 years – I have not eaten at McDonalds. (I am embarrassed to admit it, during my dark time, I ate there once sometimes twice a day)
I found the diabetes clinic to be very helpful. The most important parts were learning how to read food labels, education on CARBs, portion control, and the importance of moving your body.
Everyone needs carbs, but in moderation. I have 45 carbs per meal and under 20 per snack.
All food (other than some green veggies) have carbs. You can’t live without them. They are part of the fuel your body needs to function.
For the next couple of months, our trips to the grocery store went from 30 minutes to well over an hour. By the time we read the labels compared the fat free to the reduced calorie to the diet products to the originals time got away from us.
Now, we know what we need, what products are on the “approved” list. But any new products get the full label comparison test. Our cart is now mostly fruits, vegetables, protein and whole grains (fiber) No more white bread in my house!
The other thing we started to do was walk. We walked every night after dinner. When it was too rainy outside, I began to ride my exercise bike that had been sitting in my spare room collecting dust for a number of years. We actually moved it outside on the deck for a while (my deck is covered) so I was able to get fresh air while it was raining. BONUS !!! (I have now moved on to a Tony Little Gazelle; the exercise bike bothered my knee and butt!)
And within 3 weeks, I started to see the pounds come off. After the first 3 weeks I had lost 2 & ½ pounds. I didn’t seem like much, but the diabetes nurse told me healthy weight loss the kind that keeps it off is 1 -2 pounds a week. So I felt pretty great that I had done that. Once I started to see the pounds come off, the more motivated I was to keep going.
The other important thing that the diabetes nurse told me was that it took me a really long time to put the weight on, what would ever make me think that it should come off over night? She told me it was going to take time if I wanted to be successful at keeping it off.
The first year was easy and it was also kind of fun. I learned how to cook and I had something else to focus on other than being miserable and how much I thought my life sucked. I began to spend time surfing the net for new and interesting recipes to try, I began to watch cooking shows.
My most favorite cookbook is Canada’s Diabetes Meals for Good Health. This is not only a cook book but a very helpful book on how to lose weight and keep it off. It offers complete meal plans so when I was stuck on what to make for dinner; I cracked it open and found something to try! The Fresh 20 is also another good place. I managed to get in on a free trial for it.
At the 5 month mark of my weight loss, We decided we were going to climb Grouse Mountain! I did IT! I didn’t break any time records, but I DID IT! I would have never thought in a bazillion years that I would climb Grouse Mountain! The following summer I took on the Chief in Squamish! I did that too !
Top of the Grouse Grind!
Summer 2011
Top of the Chief – Summer of 2012
About 6 months in
About 6 months and 30 lbs into my weight loss, my parents came for a visit. In the middle of the airport, my Dad told me how wonderful I looked and he couldn’t believe how much weight I had lost. I didn’t see a drastic change, but they sure did. Later that week my Mom and I went shopping because I needed to get some clothes that actually fit me. I was floored when I realized I was no longer an 18 – 20, I was fitting into size 12. WHAT?? I had never been a size 12! I had never been a medium!!
Fall 2012
Come late fall, early winter, the weight loss slowed. I had hit a wall. I didn’t see the decrease and in fact some weeks I saw an increase. Of course like anyone else I began to question why was I doing this? Was this all worth it? So what if
I was on insulin? I could live with that at least I would be able to eat and do whatever I wanted to. I went through the anger again that this was my life. Christmas was tough. But again my hubby was there with his support. He encouraged me to stay away from the bad stuff. We had no baking in the house, there was no chocolate that was purchased. Not even the beloved red and green M&M’s. I gotta hand it to that guy!
At the beginning of the year, I was sitting at home one rainy Sunday afternoon having a complete melt down about how I was not losing any more weight, how I hated that it was so rainy outside, feeling sorry for myself. (there were a lot of those days)I was trying to figure out what to do to keep me going on this path. It was almost like fate stepped in; I went to work the next morning and one of my work pals, asked if I wanted to start taking a Zumba class with her a couple of times a week. AH, motivation again! Enter Just for you Wellness. A quaint, friendly little fitness studio!! Finally, something just up my alley! I instantly loved Zumba, it was a great way for someone who hated working out to work up a sweat and have fun doing it. I was and still am terrible at dancing, but hey, I laugh and sweat and that is what keeps me going.
We started going a couple of nights a week, then my co-worker decided that this was not for her, I was disappointed but I kept going. I’m extremely grateful to her for suggesting Zumba and giving me that push to go in the first place. I am extremely grateful for all of my gal pals at work, they have been here right by my side through this entire journey, couldn’t have done it without them.
I have realized that I can’t rely on anyone to keep me motivated ALL the time, I have to do it myself. Was it hard?
Absolutely! Is it still hard? Absolutely!
It comes down to a choice.
Do I want to live my life the old way or the new way? I choose the new way. I can’t believe the new and exciting things I can do now. I catch myself often saying out loud;
“Wow, 2 years ago, I could have never done this!”
My blood sugar is at a stable level, and I don’t have to be on medication! I have not lost much weight this past year, I think a total of 12 lbs, but I have not gained any either. I have learned to live my life this way. I have changed my lifestyle. Yes, I can say that; I have succeeded in changing my lifestyle!
I don’t have to think about what groceries I need to buy and I know I have to work out at least once a day. It just is! I am in a routine. Sure the routine fluctuates, it is hard to get back into it when you start to slide or have set back in the form of an injury. I allow myself a week or so to heal, and then I work back into the routine. I am always trying to do something. I love my Pilates classes, zumba and walking with my hubby and my dog. We have the best talks on our walks, I think we have actually become closer as a couple through all of this. After being married 20 years, I am truly blessed to have such a supportive husband and he really is my best friend!
February 2013 – 20th Anniversary!
• Learn to read food labels
• No matter how tired or stressed you are take that step out the door to that fitness class
• Sleep only at night. Don’t nap during the day no matter how tired or sluggish you feel, go for even a short walk. So what if your hair gets wet.
• Don’t rely on someone else to motivate you ALL the time. It is easier to have a buddy, but if they drop out, let that inner self motivate you! Find that person inside you want to be. Listen to that person. It is ok to do something for you!
• Surround yourself with people who treat you well
• Keep going. Allow yourself a set back or two. Remember weight fluctuates!
• Remember you are going to plateau at some point, and muscle weighs more than fat – I still have a hard time with this one. And there are many days where I feel extremely frustrated. I think… I’m working out and eating right why have I gained 2 lbs? Then I try on a fitted top or a pair of pants and they fit different… Better different!
In total I have lost 50 pounds. I still have 10-15 to go. I’ll get there, all in good time.
Susan Breitkreuz
Me in April 2013
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